You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want a musical about memes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
