I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
