Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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