Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
