I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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