I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
