The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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