i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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