i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
