Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
