You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
