can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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