bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
