I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
