i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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