A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
