Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
