NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need moral support for this bender
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize