I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
