I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
