STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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