so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
