Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
