hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
