i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wish there were birth control emojis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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