my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just cut my nipple shaving
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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