You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
