for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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