The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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