how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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