I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
