Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my poor anus
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
