3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
