Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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