i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize