when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
