whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
