If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
