we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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