I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
