Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
