This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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