I got chris browned last night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
