Where did you get a picture of my penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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