Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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