he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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