doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize