i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
