i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
