help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
