This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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