I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
