Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So vagazzling was a success
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
