Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
