The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
