I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize