"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
