party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
