i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
