he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
