Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
