Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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