two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
