I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
