I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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