i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
