the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
