also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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