i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
