what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize