I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
