I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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