Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
