Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
