I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
