My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
