I love black thongs
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
