I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
