I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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