He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
