yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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