His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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