we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
