I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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