Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
