I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
