Kareoke will never be a sober sport
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We need to get me chipped asap
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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