I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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