the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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