you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
