We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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