Moan for me like Helen Keller
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
