I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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