just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize