I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
