I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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