Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
