Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
