i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
