a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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