Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize