Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
