So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
